I should be totally, exclusively even, considered for this scholarship because, unlike most applicants and potential recipients who think of this $cholar$hip as a semester worth of books and lab fees, I think of this $cholar$hip as a pair of checkered pants, a set of knives, a blowtorch, a chainsaw. You may be wondering, “Is she running away to become a sadistic clown?” The answer: Of course not, though my superior balloon sculpting abilities, desire to learn how to ride a unicycle, and the afro-like curls I flaunt might imply otherwise. But no, in all honestly, I am going out to live my dream, to fulfill my destiny, and to contribute to the growing obesity rate in our consumering country. Yes, I am going to be a pastry chef, graduating from Johnson and Wales University after four sugar coated years of fruit chopping, sugar caramelizing, and ice sculpting. They don’t call my soon to be and much anticipated major Baking and Pastry Arts for nothing; for me, food is another medium to be crafted, sculpted, presented and then enjoyed by everyone, to be beauty in the eye and mouth of the beholder.
But more to the point. It is needless to say that my 4.067606706706706706709 GPA is above average exceptionality. I have done nothing but pass, if not epically succeed at, all of my courses taken at AC but have often chosen the path of self-interest and self-fulfillment over transcript padding and “looking good” for colleges. I have taken four electives, sacrificing my little loved Honors World History II and third year of Spanish to write poems about yoyo’s and egg-beaters, jump on a trampoline while reciting Shakespeare, sketch Troll, my sock monkey, in a mixer full of packing peanuts in candle light, and impersonate a close-talker at a Christmas party. However, I have still managed to take a total of five AP courses and am miraculously able to control my doodling to only half the class period or to “on-topic” doodles. My procrastination and horrible study skills have never managed to pay off, often resulting in better than anticipated grades.
Outside the classrooms, I spend the majority of my time in the beautiful, spacious, well-lit Regent Theater. “The show must go on” is a phrase I invented when I single-handedly saved an entire performance while stage-managing the musical. Also, my melodious, euphonic voice has furthered my career in both the drama musical review in the fall and the liturgical choir, which I grace with my voice every Wednesday. However, such is my humility and modesty, that I often grant others the majority of the solos, and I choose to be backstage for the musical, lest my beauty distract the audience from the actual show. When I am not rescuing drama queens or being perfectly on pitch in choir, I run a sort of shelter for the less fortunate. I lead a band of crazed, abnormal individuals into love and acceptance and a means of tolerating Mondays. I direct the Other Club, providing hope, scavenger hunts, and improv games for the less normal at AC. Also, I am in charge of the future, the souls of dozens of children are put in my care on a weekly basis as I teach them such values as love, compassion, and how to properly use a sock puppet. I teach second grade religious education to members of my parish who have reached the age of reason and are ready to receive both First Reconciliation and First Communion. Obviously, second grade is a very, very important year, and I am honored but not surprised that their fragile understanding is put in my tender care. Oh yeah, one more thing. I’ve baked over twenty dozen cupcakes for friends and beggars birthdays. I still have to bake at least another six dozen this year. Some of you reading this have benefited.
So, there. Just call me “Cupcake.”
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